12.D.3 I never believed in the Devil, till I met you.

[number_eight]

I was running.

It was one of those feelings that I enjoyed once I was finally out of that cell. I was part of the Colonial Fleet, and so jogging through the hallways of Galactica gave me a sense of freedom. Helo knows. It's not that I can't fall asleep; it's that I don't want to be confined anymore.

[Locked from Helo]

And then I ran into Lee, drunk, in the pilots' rec room. I don't know what got over me; it was so idiotic, really. I was upset, trying to prove a point that I wasn't Boomer, that I was Sharon. Athena. Someone he could trust. I was so frakking tired of everyone saying things behind my back, and so I decided to try to talk to him.

All I wanted was for him to say my name. To realize that I was just as human as he was.

"You're human? Well, now you definitely get to feel like a human. Don't worry. You haven't had it like this-- but you're gonna love it."

In his drunkenness, I recalled everything from the rape and ran away from him. I couldn't stop crying. Why? Why had he done this to me? I had taken a belt and wrapped my wrists with it, just to show him how much I trusted him not to hurt me, and then he went and did this to me. Why?

"You trusted me. You gave someone a little precious piece of yourself, and they tried to kill it, just to make it hurt. Welcome to being human... Sharon."

We argued, I cried, and then he begged me to hurt him. As if taking out some revenge on him would make up for what he had just tried to do to me, or how he'd always felt about me. No. No, I couldn't do that. Sure, I backhanded him once, but it wasn't hard. There was nothing in it, despite my anger at him.

And then we frakked.

God, sometimes I hate you, Lee, for what you did to my life. Sometimes I hate you for what you did to me that night. And then sometimes, I remember that there wouldn't be an "us" at all if there hadn't been all that pain to begin with.

Muse: Sharon "Athena" Agathon
Fandom: Misc. TV/"Battlestar Galactica"
Word Count: 380 (not including quotes written by Lee!mun)
OOC Note: This version of Sharon is AU, not canon, and based off RP. The Helo referred to is callsign_helo and the Lee is arrow_of_apollo.

Comments

[burnandrave.livejournal.com]

AU!Kara would like to comment, but if it's not working with your RP, feel free to ignore her. ::grins:: But in my head, Kara and Leoben had a lot of sex on New Caprica before she killed him.

Huh.

Remind me to tell you about me and Leoben, sometime. There are things I never told anyone about New Caprica. I think you'd understand.

locked

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I didn't mean for you to find out about it this way.

It was really just the one time except it wasn't.

You and Leoben? What?

Re: locked

[burnandrave.livejournal.com]

[locked]

Trust me, I know about frakking Lee Adama and why it's a bad idea.

Sometimes you end up frakking people you hate, because of all the godsdamned tension. Even if they're keeping you prisoner for a few months.

It was just once, too. Except it wasn't.

locked

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

It's a bad idea. A very bad idea. Because I still love Helo and he doesn't know.

Kara, you and Leoben...? On New Caprica?

Wow. I don't know how I can hurt someone I love so much and who loves me by doing this, especially since I don't love Lee at all. It's all frakked up.

Re: locked

[burnandrave.livejournal.com]

Yes.

I've never told anyone. Not even Sam. I'm--ashamed--it's hard to explain why it happened.

Nothing in this war makes any frakking sense.

OOC: I can totally make this Kara--if this is your AU!LostYear!Athena--a Kara/Leoben!AU!Kara, in which Sam doesn't know. They can be adultery!friends. ::giggles::

locked

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

You don't have to explain it to me.

You're right about that.


OOC: This is actually AU!SeasonFour!Athena, but I'm cool to let her talk to anyone. I can have tons of AU!Sharons. *L*

Re: locked

[burnandrave.livejournal.com]

I know I don't, I'm just---

Frak. I don't know. I just wanted to tell someone, maybe.



OOC: Aha! Excellent. I can have AU!Kara before they get to Earth. Whatever, I can just make something up. ::giggles at self, twirls you::

locked

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

Well, if you need to talk, I'll listen. You know that.

Re: locked

[burnandrave.livejournal.com]

I know.

Same here. I mean, I know---let's just say I know what you're going through. Kind of.

locked

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

I don't even know what I'm going through.

Re: locked

[burnandrave.livejournal.com]

You're frakking someone you don't really like, besides being married and in love with someone else?

Frak me, Sharon, I could write a book about that.

[locked]

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

Gods, I think back on that and it almost seems like it happened to someone else, not me... it seemed that insane.

I don't know why I said or did that except that I do, but yes, now we're here because of it. Wherever here is.

[locked]

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

Insane is a good word for it. It's still pretty insane. My husband doesn't know about any of it, and if he found out, he would kill you. You realize that, don't you? Despite anything that I might say to him, he'd kill you.

You do? Yeah.

Re: [locked]

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

I know he would. And I'm not sure I wouldn't deserve it.

Part of me needed it, Gods know why.

[locked]

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

Great, just what I need. You trying to play the martyr on me.

You needed to be hurt? Or to hurt me? Or both?

[locked]

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

I'm not about to go looking for it, and I don't want it to happen. But it's not like there's no reason.

Both, maybe? There were a lot of demons in that room that needed exorcising.

[locked]

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

No reason for you to feel sorry for yourself?

So, did we?

[locked]

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

I meant there's every reason for him to hate my frakking guts.

Enough that we haven't killed each other. Not enough to stop.

[locked]

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

He should hate mine, too. But I know him, and he'll blame you instead.

We should stop. It's not healthy. You don't love me and I don't love you.

[locked]

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

I'm half responsible. He'll be at least half right.

If it was that easy to just stop, we would have.