number_eight | 171 - What is the biggest mistake you've made in a relationship?

My name is Sharon Valerii. I'm a Raptor jock onboard the Battlestar Galactica. And I shot a man I love.

I don't even know if he's alive or dead. Gods, I hope he's not dead. To make matters worse, I think I'm a Cylon -- no, no. I'm pretty sure I'm a Cylon. And I don't frakking remember doing anything.

I had a mission. I carried it out. And after that, everything is a blur. I remember asking what happened, but there was blood everywhere, screaming, Apollo being half-dragged away in handcuffs and half trying to get to his father. Racetrack was... Gods, where was she? She was on the mission, too, and we shook hands with Commander Adama.

No. Did I shake his hand? I don't remember! Gods, why don't I remember? I remember leaving Helo, my ECO, behind on Caprica. I remember Chief telling me it was over because I'd asked too much of him. I remember playing Triad with Starbuck the other day and laughing over some bad distilled liquor that someone made.

Why can't I remember the most horrible thing I've done to anyone?

My name is Sharon Valerii. I've been onboard Galactica for two years. My parents died in a mining accident on Troy. I'm a rook pilot, and I frak up my landings every time, and I can't remember why I was covered in water. I can't remember why that bomb was onboard my Raptor.

I can't remember shooting Commander Adama.

He wasn't as close to me like he was to Starbuck (why am I talking about him in past tense?), but I love him. I'm an orphan and this crew? This ship? This man? This is my family. How could I frak it all up to hell?

Lords of Kobol, hear my prayer and help me remember.

Commander Adama is a good man who will lead us to Earth, just as he promised us. He will keep this Fleet together as a family. I believed him completely when he told us he knew where Earth was, and when we all raised our voices higher and louder repeating, "So say we all"? I meant it.

You want to know my most important relationship? It's not my parents, since I barely knew them. It wasn't Helo, even though the guilt I feel over leaving him behind still stings (especially considering that Dr. Baltar took his place on my Raptor). It's not Starbuck, despite the jokes we tell to each other. It wasn't even Chief, who I loved so much and never got the chance to tell him before he left me.

It was -- is? -- Commander Adama.

He doesn't know it, but he's like a father to me since I don't have one anymore. He's inspiring not only to the Fleet, but to me. Okay, it's not that I want to grow up one day and be a Commander, but he's honorable. He has this smile that I'm sure he doesn't realize he has, but you can't help but smile back when you see it. He rarely laughs, but when he does, it's infectious. Is he flawed? Probably, but I haven't seen it. Not yet. He's been nothing but kind and generous to me my two years here, and how did I return his love?

I shot him. Twice. In the chest. Gods, how could I do that to him? How can he ever forgive me? And worse... what if he doesn't live?

It doesn't matter that I don't remember what I did or even why I did it. It happened, just the same, and it was my mistake. I take responsibility for it, but Lords of Kobol, let him live. Even if you have to take my life for his, let him live.

Om bhūr bhuvah svah tat savitur varēnyam bhargō dēvasya dhīmahi dhiyō yō nah pracōdayāt.

Muse : Sharon "Boomer" Valerii
Fandom : Misc. TV/"Battlestar Galactica"
Word Count : 644
OOC Note: Translation at end is "Oh Lords, please guide our intellects, so that we may proceed in the right direction towards enlightenment", and is taken from the main title sequence of the show.