31 - What makes you jealous and how do you deal with it? (past prompt)

[number_eight]

((Locked from all muses))
I don't really have to worry about it much, because I don't think that Chief really cares one way or the other. Well, what I mean to say is that we're together and he's watching my back, so everything's fine. There are other things, though, like Starbuck that might get me sort of jealous. She's great at Triad. How she comes up with "Full Colors" practically every time we play together is beyond me. But, I'll usually just laugh that off and keep on playing anyway. Starbuck and Apollo are great pilots, too. Me? I'm still learning, but I'm hoping someday I'll be able to find my own little place here on Galactica. It's my family, and while I might be jealous of small things here and there, in the end? It doesn't really matter much.
((Unlocked))



God, jealousy? What the frak am I supposed to say to that? Of course I get jealous, every day, of so many people here. I'm a Cylon. I have a daughter who is half-Cylon and who I didn't get to raise at all. I'm jealous of that woman, whoever she was, who took care of Hera, bathed her, sang lullabies to her for over a year while I cried myself to sleep. I'm jealous that I've worked damn hard to be where I am today – a commissioned officer in the Colonial Fleet – and others have had it handed to them. Little things, like a couch to make my "quarters" more bearable while Karl and I were married but I wasn't allowed out of hack… and yet Chief and Cally got married and moved to New Caprica, the Major and Dee got married and were commanding Pegasus, Kara and Sam got married and… and everyone went and got frakking married to live their happy little lives while I was stuck in hack. For a year. What could I do to deal with it, though? Not much. Crunches, sit-ups, various exercises to get aggression out and to keep my body toned. It helped a little. Now, though? Now that I've got Hera back, well, the only things I need to worry about are people like Cally, saying that I'm not good enough to be a commissioned officer. And for people like that? Crunches don't frakking help at all. When you're 'just a toaster', all you can do is hold your head up high and stand up for yourself, no matter what. And that is never going to change.



((Locked to Cylons))
Sharon Agathon and her perfect life, her perfect husband, and forgiveness. When I walked onboard Galactica with Three and the Cavil model, and she looked at me… when she stopped me and Tigh told me I had to leave… frakking bitch.

I'm not supposed to be jealous of anything or anyone, but I can tell you that I felt very happy that I at least got the chance to try and kill Hera, even if I didn't succeed.


Muse : Sharon "Boomer" Valerii, Sharon "Athena" Agathon, & Downloaded!Boomer
Fandom : Misc. TV/"Battlestar Galactica"
Word Count : 498

Comments

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

I'm certainly not going to minimize your struggles, Lieutenant, but I have to say that no one with a commission in this Fleet has had it handed to them.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

I wasn't speaking about you personally, sir.

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

I didn't think so. But I'm proud of my officers-- all my officers-- and what they've done to get where they are. I'm not saying that there aren't people who have been given certain... allowances. But no one wearing blues, as far as I'm concerned.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

Of course, sir.

[callsign-helo.livejournal.com]

I wish I could have found a way to get you out of there sooner, baby. I tried, but it took the Old Man long time to... Well, anyway, you do a damn good job of standing up to it all.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

Thanks. You know I wouldn't have survived that long without you, right?

[callsign-helo.livejournal.com]

I doubt that. You're a lot stronger than you know.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

I'm strong, but not strong enough to keep going if there hadn't been something to fight for.

[callsign-helo.livejournal.com]

That much I definitely understand, too.

[cpo-galen-tyrol.livejournal.com]

Not to be a thorn in the side, but would you have really wanted to go down to New Caprica, sir? This was before you became a commissioned officer, before you had the backing of Admiral Adama and everyone on Galactica. You've certainly had more than your fair share of struggles and you've handled most of them with grace and understanding, but I really don't think you would have had an easier time on New Caprica. Thanks to that Abinell woman who got Billy Keikeya killed, everyone knew what you looked like. And even if those of us who had mustered out got together and set up shifts to hang around and keep an eye out for you, I don't think we would have been able to guarantee your safety.

The gods know even if we had wanted to keep the Cylon overlords safe during the occupation we couldn't have.

Just for the record, I've never handed anything to anyone in my hangar deck if they hadn't earned it. To do so is reckless and irresponsible.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

I never said I wanted to even move to that God-forsaken piece of rock planet. Did I say that? No. All I wanted was to be free to walk around the halls of Galactica on my own. Hell, to even just have my on rack would have been great. I knew from the start that anything dealing with Baltar would be a bad idea, and that planet was the worst frakking idea in the history of bad ideas.

Am I saying this because I'm still bitter? Maybe. Maybe not. Am I completely objective? Probably not, but I'm flawed. It's what makes me human, despite the little technicality of being a "toaster".

Yes, everyone knew what I looked like. So what? That was how the plan to save all of you ended up actually working, if you'll recall. I was just another Eight, walking around the camps like all the others.

Really? Then why did Ensign Seelix mention that you and your wife often worked together per your orders?

[cpo-galen-tyrol.livejournal.com]

New Caprica was a bad idea, Lieutenant. The worst we've had since we let the Cylons go off on their own for twenty years. If you had a feeling about Baltar, why didn't you say something to Helo? From what I've heard, the President also had something on Baltar and she didn't say anything until it was too late, either. I agree we were all being hopelessly naive, but it was encouraged by not having all the information. I didn't vote for him, by the way.

Everyone's bitter, Lieutenant. We're all trying to live with it.

Yeah, you people up in the air did everything and all we were doing was sitting on our asses waiting to be rescued. You're talking about this "us vs. them" plague that's been running around the ship, what the hell is that about? In case you're interested (though I'm sure you're not), I had people watching you while you were on the surface to make sure you didn't run into trouble with any of the people.

Cally and I worked together a lot more before we were married, so don't assume that she's getting special treatment. In fact, she gets a lot of the crap assignments because she's stuck with me. Fair? Probably not. But there's far too much to do and if I didn't have her with me, we'd never see each other. Same goes for any of my crew that's become involved with each other. We don't go off on CAP runs and then come back and play a game of cards.

And that's the second time you've mentioned Cally in a way that makes me think you've been talking about her. Is this something I should be worried about, Lieutenant?