number_eight | 201 - Talk about something you lost.

I lost my life. Literally.

Do you know what it feels like to die? It’s frakking scary, that’s for sure. Even now, I look back at it and try to remember everything that happened before I woke up in the resurrection tank, but I’m not sure I’ve got all the details just right.

Yes, I lost my life as in the life that I used to lead, but I died. I was shot by a crewmember. I remember the shackles. I remember the screams and taunts that were thrown at me as I was led to someplace else.

I remember that I had saved Chief’s life and ironically, I was losing mine immediately afterwards.

Do you know what it really feels like, though? There’s shock. You almost don’t really feel the pain at first as it tears away your skin, the bullet penetrating tissue and then all you really see is the blood.

So much blood.

Maybe I’m wrong and there wasn’t a lot of blood, but at that point there was nothing but pain. Did I cry? I don’t remember. I’d like to think that I held it together, but maybe I wasn’t strong enough. I was in his arms, though, after looking at the face of my frakking killer. Who knew little Cally had it in her to do it? Hell, who knew she hated me that much that she’d want to do it? I’d only just found out what I was, and Cylon or not, I hadn’t done anything personally to her. I don’t even remember exactly what it was that I did, but everyone sure as hell told me.

Back to dying, though.

You feel weak. There’s some coughing and a tiny bit of hope as you look up into the eyes of the man that you love. But the blood loss… it covers the entire front of your body and all the people clamoring for your death start to act strangely. Did I shut them out, or were they shocked at what happened? Maybe they were still yelling at me for being a toaster.

But the blood. There’s this sense that because you’re so weak, you need to say or do something important since it’ll be your last chance at it. You don’t really care if it’s a penetrating or a perforating wound at this point, and the science of it all just vanishes. Your head clears with the loss of blood.

Drop, drop, drop.

But life isn’t the only thing you lose. You lose your dignity, too. People would say it doesn’t matter in the end, except if you’re a toaster, it does. Trust me. I might have lost my life in the physical sense, but I lost it in terms of everything else, too. It doesn’t really matter, though, when the numbness takes over and you choke out a few last words.

Then everything goes dark…

Muse : Sharon “Boomer” Valerii
Fandom : Misc. TV/ “Battlestar Galactica”
Word Count : 483