190 - You’ve temporarily turned into a child, what do you do?

I'd run around and play.

Really, there's not much else I'd want to do. Cylons don't get a childhood; one is just made up for us. I wouldn't want to kiss a boy, or bond with my parents, or anything like that. It would all be fake and then when I came back to reality, I would only hurt more than I already am hurting.

If I could just run around and play, though, on Troy? Or even better, just leave the colony altogether and go to Caprica where the cityscapes were beautiful? I'd walk around the parks. Maybe do a few somersaults.

I'd be sure not to interact with other humans, though. Let the other children play, unknowing of their fate. I'd just run in the sun, basking in it before I ended up trapped on a ship with eternal darkness and stars as my only friends.

Trust me, that's the only way I would want it. Who would want to be a child on a Cylon Baseship? We already had Hera on ours, and that was terrible enough. She didn't belong there. She cried and didn't even want me. Cylons should never have children, let alone be allowed to "become" children.

God's will is that we adapt, and damn it, I've done my best to do that. Which is why if I had a choice in the matter at all? I would be exactly who I am, where I am. I'd prefer the fake memories to ones that gave me hope when there is nothing left to hope for.

So frak all of that. I wouldn't run around and play. I'd just be me. End of story.

Muse : Sharon "Boomer" Valerii
Fandom : Misc. TV/"Battlestar Galactica"
Word Count : 279

EM #49 - Breaking up is hard to do.

It's a downward spiral and I can't seem to come out of it at all. I've tried, and tried, and tried some more. Deep down, though, I know the truth. I know, at least I think I know?

Gods, I don't know.

There was water, water everywhere, covering me from head to toe and then someone mentioned something about our ship. No, not our ship, the Fleet. We had no water. None. It was as if someone had sabotaged it all and Sharon, you know that it was you. So what did you do? You turned to Chief like always. You loved him and he loved you… right?

He would help, though, because you're weak. You're not strong, like Starbuck or Apollo or anyone else. You're just Boomer, and Boomer is a kid. She's so young, she's confused and frakked-up and she relies on the aid of a man. Of someone else. Someone else has to come and save her. Me. Her. Gods, me, I'm me, I'm Sharon Valerii and I love Chief and I need him to protect me from everyone else.

They're going to kill me. The spiral just keeps on going and going and so I had to cling to Chief because he kept fixing everything. He fixed the Raptor, the bombs, everything. He lied for me and I thought finally. Finally we can be safe and together because he fixed it all. Only… only I didn't remember. I didn't remember what I had done, or that I was selfish and had caused other people to be put into danger. I thought everyone on the Deck Crew would cover for us, but we were found out and then Chief found me out.

He wouldn't hug me. He wouldn't hold me after they told me I shot the Commander. He said… Gods, I can't even think about what he said. But he said we were over. Done. Finished. Everything he did to fix me just broke me right there and then. I saved his life from Gaius Baltar, but he didn't want me anymore.

Maybe he never really loved me at all.

Muse : Sharon "Boomer" Valerii
Fandom : "Battlestar Galactica"
Word Count : 354