230 - Black and White

[number_eight]

[Locked from Starbuck]

Kara used to be my friend. Next thing I know, I'm on a mission where I'm helping to lead a mutiny against her and I've got her in a chokehold so we can take her down to the brig after my husband has relieved her of duty.

I never thought I'd take part in a mutiny, because ever since I earned my uniform, I knew what I wanted. I wanted to make the Old Man proud. I wanted to make my husband proud, make myself proud. And I wanted to make sure that people like Cally or Seelix (God, Seelix, I thought better of you) would respect me, even if they didn't like me. But Seelix, as soon as the plan turned into something where boarding a Cylon baseship became a possibility, she just… reverted. She practically tossed me off, acting like I was a Cylon just like the others.

I'm not just like the others. Which, strangely enough, the other Eights pointed out to me.

I'm not a hero. I'm not someone they should aspire to be. I'm just Sharon, someone who fraks up just like anyone else does, only my DNA is slightly different. But they looked at me to lead them because I was the first one to say "no", to be different from the other models.

That's not exactly true. Boomer was the first, but you just don't know that yet, do you, Athena? You can't keep pretending that you're not special and then say that you are. It makes you just as hypocritical as everyone says about you.

I remember looking at all of them. Starbuck was somewhere, God, who knew with the way she'd been acting lately, and this swarm of them came to me. I felt disgusted. Disappointed. I chose my side. I chose to be human, to join the Colonial Fleet, to marry a human and have a child. They chose to mutiny, and then they wanted to turn around and say, "Sorry, we were wrong about that mutiny?" No. You don't do that.

Frak.

I guess that's why I was so angry at them. I really wasn't any different or better. I'd chosen a mutiny, too, just a different kind on Demetrius, and then I practically volunteered to help Starbuck take the Raptor to the Cylon baseship and be her guide. I'd switched sides, too. Sure, I still had my family waiting for me, while they had… nothing. I guess I was right about that much.

I was right in one more thing, though. I'm as human as they come these days. Fine, I can stick my hand into a data-font to gain access to the datastream of a baseship. But when that dying Cylon looked up at me with my face, holding a hand out to me, telling me I was right and…

I almost touched her. I guess because part of me felt bad or maybe it was because she'd admitted I was right all along. I'm not really sure which, but I couldn't do it. Touching her means something to Cylons before death. The kiss I watched between the Sixes before one shot the other with no Resurrection Ship around? I understood what it was about. Tactile. Need. Comfort. It's what Cylons do, and if I had given in and provided that for her, then it would be admitting that Seelix was right about me. That I'm just another Cylon.

I'm not. I'm Sharon Agathon, callsign "Athena", and I might have betrayed my CO on this mission, but I hadn't touched that Cylon as she died. I'm just as human as you.

Simple as that.



Muse: Sharon "Athena" Agathon
Fandom: Misc. TV/"Battlestar Galactica"
Word Count: 610

Comments

[cpo-galen-tyrol.livejournal.com]

What the hell did Seelix do to piss you off?

I thought your oversensitivity disappears when it comes to your fellow pilots. Stick a gun in Seelix's face yet?

And making the Old Man proud? Doesn't get you a frakking thing, especially if you make one stupid mistake. Watch and make sure you react to everything the way he frakking wants you to, or you wind up with nothing.

OOC: He's... emo. Bad Chief Specialist!

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

Calm down, Galen. Look, it was just something she said, some off-hand comment about me being a Cylon, like I was dispensable or something. And no. No gun.

What the frak is wrong with you?

He's been nothing but good to me while I was locked up in that cell, asking for my advice, giving me my uniform, telling me right off what had happened with Hera.

OOC: *L* Poor guy. I gasped out loud when he was demoted, but I admired Aaron's performance. Finally, he gets to really show off his acting this season!

[cpo-galen-tyrol.livejournal.com]

So all of a sudden, you think less of her because of one comment. Sorry, but even I wouldn't be jumping at the chance of getting on one of those basestars whether you were there or not.

What's wrong with me? You want to know what's wrong with me? Frak you. Frak you and your perfect life with your perfectly healthy, non-colicky daughter and perfect shift change-ups and people bending over backwards for you and your frakking workload so you and Helo don't go absolutely frakking nuts and decide to toss yourself out an airlock. Frak you and your second chances and the hope Helo had of seeing you again when you went off on your little resurrection trip. And frak the double standard that had me in jail, my wife lined up against a bulkhead, and Helo getting away with treason scot-free.

Wait till you lose everything that matters to you and let him waltz in trying to be your best frakking buddy and canonize someone who doesn't need it because she was just fine the way she was, warts and all. Then watch him walk away and not bother to follow up on any-frakking-thing or ask the wrong questions and see how good he is then.

OOC: *hee* I was heartbroken! No more Chief? He'll always be the Chief in my heart! And, yes, Aaron blew me away, especially during that scene. So many layers of emotion there. *sniff* Poor Chief Specialist.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

It wasn't my idea. It was Starbuck's.

I thought you were my friend, Galen. Apparently, I was wrong.

He is a good man. If you don't see that, then there's something seriously wrong with you.

[cpo-galen-tyrol.livejournal.com]

Surprised you're still in one piece, then.

Yeah, I used to think a lot of things, too. Got the wool pulled over my ears, the rug pulled out from under me... Frak it. You'll never understand. You'll frakking throw a celebration when you find out what happened.

You didn't think he was such a great guy before he let you out of the brig.

*sigh* Who the frak knows why he wants to join my club. I don't want to be in my club. Probably frakking knows his luck can't hold out forever. One day it'll be Mr. Caprican Representative his son or the President and he'll have no idea how to keep breathing either.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

Same here.

I have no idea what you're even talking about. If you'd like, we can talk once I'm back on Galactica, but not if you're going to act this way to me.

No. I didn't. I was wrong.

"Club"? What club? Why are you talking about the Major Lee like that? No, never mind. This can wait until I get back.

If you want to talk, of course.

[cpo-galen-tyrol.livejournal.com]

Baseship, huh?

Believe me, I'd be grateful, but I'll need advance notice. Out of everything I've lost, I miss the control over my own time the most. Depends on what grunt duties the Admiral, by way of petty officer, punishes me with next.

*snerk* You're more and more human everyday. He did something for you and all of a sudden, he's a good guy. And I really do mean the human thing as a compliment. Sort of.

Helo had membership. Briefly. And the former Major is letting Baltar and his frakking Cylon god cult run around loose around the ship. We don't need this. As much as I resent him right now, the Admiral doesn't need this. Roslin doesn't need this.

If we talk, will you want to talk again? Because if I have to watch what I'm saying... No, not about "you're a Cylon stuff," that was a low blow and I apologize, but I've blown up at a few people and they're avoiding me like the frakking plague. I'll try... but I just need someone who's gonna frakking come back if I need them to. Someone who isn't Colonel Tigh. His Ellen talk is driving me nuts.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

Like I said, all the explanations will be given once I get back. It wasn't my call to make.

What the frak are you talking about? You're the CHIEF.

Sort of? Okay... Galen, I'm just going to do my best and try to understand you, but you're not making much sense.

Again, what membership are you talking about? What about Helo?

I don't know why Gaius is talking about God. It's my God he's talking about. Fine, my religion is different from everyone else's, but he doesn't need to make fun of what I believe.

I'll talk to you if you won't yell at me for no reason. What the frak? What's happened since I left?

[cpo-galen-tyrol.livejournal.com]

Not blaming you. Just curious as to how that happened.

Not according to the demotion order. Lose one Specialist Tyrol, pick up another one. Admiral doesn't like how I'm dealing with Cally's death.

You were dead, weren't you? Then you resurrected. One of those second chances Cally harped about that one time. *ironic snort* Guess she had a right to complain, considering what ended up happening.

Oh, Baltar ain't making fun of it. That I could understand at least. He really believes in your god. And the really frakked up thing is that it might be turning him into something almost decent.

I'll do my best. I finally drove Cally over the edge. She tossed herself out a launch tube. The best thing I never realized I wanted and I broke her. Frakking Baltar's the only one who seems to actually want to understand how I feel.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

The Leoben we ran into convinced Starbuck that we needed to go to his baseship, that all the answers she needed to find Earth would be there.

What? Why would he demote you? Everyone's had troubles, but that doesn't mean you demote them.

I... yes. It's not something I'd want to go through again, though, but it had to be done. For Hera's sake. It wasn't a second chance -- it was the only plan to make sure my daughter could be rescued.

That scares me for some reason. I don't go preaching my religion to anyone else...

Okay. Oh, God, Galen, I'm sorry. I really am. Is your son all right? Hopefully he doesn't understand just yet.

[cpo-galen-tyrol.livejournal.com]

Leoben. Great. The baseship thing makes more sense to me now.

I'd like to say I don't know why she did what she did. I mean, I was blindsided, sure, when the Admiral told me what happened. I thought it had to be a frakking accident. But I know I'd been piling it on her for weeks now. Something had to give. I guess I just thought she was stronger than she was. She was the stronger one.

I think he knows. At the very least, he misses his mother. I'm trying, but considering the fact that she was the one who had to take care of him, I'm surprised he even knows who the frak I am.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

We'll talk when I get back, which should be soon. Parent to parent.

Got it?

See you soon.

[cpo-galen-tyrol.livejournal.com]

Good luck.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

I'm back. (http://number-eight.livejournal.com/36411.html#cutid1)

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

A baseship? I thought Kara had you looking for Earth, Lieutenant.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

She did. Apparently the Hybrid within the baseship had some sort of clue to lead her to Earth. It wasn't my choice to make.

I'm just glad I'll be coming home now. I miss Hera.

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

This is insane... I want to believe her, but this is insane...

I can only imagine.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

You're telling me. Once upon a time, I was close to her, like a sister. Now...

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

Now, I don't think any of us know her.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

Exactly.