17.5 Who do you lie to most, yourself or others?

[number_eight]

[Locked to arrow_of_apollo & burnandrave]

Myself, obviously.

No, that’s not true. It's a little of both.

I've lied to myself first and foremost in terms of how I've felt about Lee. All the times that we frakked and I'd tell myself that no, that's all it was, it was frakking and so it didn't mean anything, I was wrong. If it didn't mean anything, then I would've been able to stop it a long time ago. If it didn't mean anything, then I wouldn't have felt so guilty every time that I held Hera in my arms or made love to my husband.

Karl deserves better than me, but I'm selfish. I don't want to give up the love I have with him on the chance that whatever it is that I have with Lee might be, well, something.

But I've been a great liar to my friends, too.

I'm sorry, Kara. I'm sorry that all this time I've lied to you, too. How can you have this relationship with Sam and Leoben that works like this? I don't get it. I don't, because I'm jealous. Who would have thought that of the two of us, you'd have the working, happy relationship and I'd be the one who was lying to everyone? I'm jealous that you know what you want and you're not afraid of telling people anymore.

I don't know what I want. No, that's another lie.

I want you, Lee. But I don't love you and that is what is frakking up my head right now. You ruined my life. I let you ruin my life because it was what we both wanted. Wants, needs, desires, but never common sense.

Kara, please don't tell Karl. I know your pretty much his best friend and you guys go way back, but please don't. I don't have the life you have, and I never will.

And Lee? Go home to Dualla. She's better for you than some Cylon who is still lying to herself.

Muse: Sharon "Athena" Agathon
Fandom: Misc. TV/"Battlestar Galactica"
Word Count: 336
OOC Note: This version of Sharon is from the AU!Earth verse and is not canon. The Helo referred to is callsign_helo, the Leoben is cylon_prophet, and the Sam is notmyfate. This prompt response takes place after an RP that is not yet finished between Lee, Kara, Sharon, Leoben, & Sam.

Comments

[locked to Sharon]

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

I've actually tried to tell her, you know? I've started the conversation a dozen times, wanting to confess and finally have her know and hate me or kill me or leave me or whatever, just so I wasn't lying anymore. I couldn't do it. I can't bring myself to do it.

I want you, too. I don't love you, either.

locked to Lee

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

Then what's wrong with us?

There must be something wrong with us that we feel this way.

locked to Sharon

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

I really wish I could say there isn't... but... Frak, I don't know.