17.5 Who do you lie to most, yourself or others?

[number_eight]

[Locked to arrow_of_apollo & burnandrave]

Myself, obviously.

No, that’s not true. It's a little of both.

I've lied to myself first and foremost in terms of how I've felt about Lee. All the times that we frakked and I'd tell myself that no, that's all it was, it was frakking and so it didn't mean anything, I was wrong. If it didn't mean anything, then I would've been able to stop it a long time ago. If it didn't mean anything, then I wouldn't have felt so guilty every time that I held Hera in my arms or made love to my husband.

Karl deserves better than me, but I'm selfish. I don't want to give up the love I have with him on the chance that whatever it is that I have with Lee might be, well, something.

But I've been a great liar to my friends, too.

I'm sorry, Kara. I'm sorry that all this time I've lied to you, too. How can you have this relationship with Sam and Leoben that works like this? I don't get it. I don't, because I'm jealous. Who would have thought that of the two of us, you'd have the working, happy relationship and I'd be the one who was lying to everyone? I'm jealous that you know what you want and you're not afraid of telling people anymore.

I don't know what I want. No, that's another lie.

I want you, Lee. But I don't love you and that is what is frakking up my head right now. You ruined my life. I let you ruin my life because it was what we both wanted. Wants, needs, desires, but never common sense.

Kara, please don't tell Karl. I know your pretty much his best friend and you guys go way back, but please don't. I don't have the life you have, and I never will.

And Lee? Go home to Dualla. She's better for you than some Cylon who is still lying to herself.

Muse: Sharon "Athena" Agathon
Fandom: Misc. TV/"Battlestar Galactica"
Word Count: 336
OOC Note: This version of Sharon is from the AU!Earth verse and is not canon. The Helo referred to is callsign_helo, the Leoben is cylon_prophet, and the Sam is notmyfate. This prompt response takes place after an RP that is not yet finished between Lee, Kara, Sharon, Leoben, & Sam.

Comments

[locked to Sharon]

[burnandrave.livejournal.com]

Sharon. For frak's sake, stop for a second and listen to me.

Sam only knows because he caught me. Gods only know if I would have told him or not. Before you think I'm some frakking role model for telling everyone or knowing what I need, just remember that I didn't, not really. I just had no other choice.

I'm not going to tell Karl, okay? Not my place. I'm not going to say a frakking word, because I'm not exactly the best spokesperson for marital fidelity, even before I decided to say frak it all and shack up with two men. And I'm your friend, too, you know.

Look. I'm not gonna give you a lecture but, just from experience, if you do think it's more than just sex? You should tell Helo. He'll find out eventually. They always do.

You know where to find me if you need me.

Maybe you should talk to Leoben about this. I pretend to ignore him a lot of the time when he starts talking about love and infinite universes and all that crap, but maybe it'll help. He won't say anything, either. I'll knife him if he tries.

[locked to Kara]

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

Fine, fine. I'm listening, God. *little smile*

I can't talk to Helo... do you know how long this has been going on? It started after Galactica rescued everyone from New Caprica, that's how long. I've been lying all this time to him; how do you think he'd take it? I can't bear to see him hurt like that.

Leoben. Really? You better if I talk to him, otherwise I'll do it myself.

Re: [locked to Kara]

[burnandrave.livejournal.com]

[locked to Sharon]

Good. It's always a good idea to listen to me. I'm a frakking genius.

It--really? Huh. You were frakking him when we were making out, and he refused to put out with me? That's interesting. Not going to mention it. Water under the frakking bridge.

Yeah. Leoben is...he's pretty good to talk to, actually. I mean, I have my issues with him and all that, but I bet he'd get it. He said some stuff when we all got into this in the first place. It sounded smart. Maybe, since you're a Cylon, too--maybe it'd help to hear it.




OOC: We must RP wise!Leoben giving sage advice omg. ::giggles::

[locked to Kara]

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I didn't have the same problems you did about Sam, and he didn't have delusional feelings about me, either. He would talk to me in bed about you sometimes.

Maybe.




OOC: Okay, sounds good! And sorry this is so late again. It's been a bad week. :(

Re: [locked to Kara]

[burnandrave.livejournal.com]

Gods. That's frakked up. I'm glad we're not really talking about this because I don't know what to say, and I'd probably go hit him.

::shrugs:: Do what you want. I'm just saying, he's better than me at talking. Which is really annoying most of the time, but. There you go.


OOC: ::hugs you a lot:: You poor thing! Let me know if I can do anything, k? Never worry about this RP stuff, it's all good with me :D

[locked to Sharon]

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

I've actually tried to tell her, you know? I've started the conversation a dozen times, wanting to confess and finally have her know and hate me or kill me or leave me or whatever, just so I wasn't lying anymore. I couldn't do it. I can't bring myself to do it.

I want you, too. I don't love you, either.

locked to Lee

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

Then what's wrong with us?

There must be something wrong with us that we feel this way.

locked to Sharon

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

I really wish I could say there isn't... but... Frak, I don't know.