Locked from President Roslin

[number_eight]

She lied. She frakking lied to me. To Helo. To Admiral Adama! She used us all in some little game of hers. Damn it! I knew Doc Cottle was lying when he'd said Hera's lungs weren't fully developed. I'd thought she was dead, though, and that they'd all contrived to murder my daughter.

No. It was so much worse than that.

President Roslin stole my daughter from me and let another woman raise her for over a year, and now? Now thanks to her, Hera is in the hands of the Cylons.

I'm going to find her. I sincerely doubt that the Admiral will stop me, either. He looked as angry as I felt when he told me the news.


Journal Entry of Sharon "Athena" Agathon

Comments

Locked to Sharon

[leobenconoy.livejournal.com]

Fear of the unknown. It's in their nature. Once you come to grips with that, you'll see that there's very little of their behavior left that'll surprise you.

Hera's the key to the future, and that future being reared by a Cylon scared Roslin. You're daughter is half human...but it's the other half, the half that's not like them that makes even the most respectable people do the most irrational things.

Which hurt more? Believing that your daughter was dead or finding out that she's alive but you've been prematurely labeled an inadequate mother because of what you are?

[OOC: he insisted on interfering, but feel free to ignore him, really.]

Locked to Leoben

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

I... I don't want by daughter to be the "key" to anything! I just want her back with me. I want her back with Helo and with me. Period.

President Roslin was scared? Yeah. Yeah, you're probably right and the fact that I'm agreeing with you scares the hell out of me.

It all hurt, because in my heart when I believed she was dead, I believed she was murdered for the same reason she was simply taken from me -- because I'm a Cylon. And how dare you insinuate anything about my abilities as a mother! President Roslin and the Cylons all want her for their own purposes, but I'm the only one who wants her simply because she's my daughter.

Re: Locked to Sharon

[leobenconoy.livejournal.com]

It's destiny. You can't change that. Helo can't change that. No one can.

Yes, well, I'm surprisingly agreeable. You know, for a toaster.

I didn't take her from you, so how is it that I'm the one insinuating anything? Roslin made that call all by herself, I'm just stating the facts. You might not like them, but that's what they are. Facts.

Locked to Leoben

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

Frak destiny. God and all His wisdom didn't save my daughter from President Roslin. That's a year that I don't have, won't ever have, stolen from me. You're trying to tell me that's destiny? If destiny states she is supposed to be with the Cylons, then why couldn't I have her?

President Roslin made the call, but you have Hera. Aren't you saying that I'm not a good enough mother simply by keeping her from me?

Re: Locked to Sharon

[leobenconoy.livejournal.com]

That's not what we're saying at all. We're keeping her from them, Sharon. And, yes, by unfortunate circumstance, that's also kept her from you, but it hasn't been our initial intention.

You could be with her, here, but her with them isn't an option.

Locked to Leoben

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

Are you actually saying that you'd let me stay with you on the baseship and raise my daughter who's half-human, and you wouldn't try to box me?

I don't believe you at all.

Re: Locked to Sharon

[leobenconoy.livejournal.com]

You're one of us, Sharon. Slightly misguided at times, yes, but still. Not only that, you're the reason Hera exists. We wouldn't eliminate her mother. How heartless do you think we are?

Locked to Leoben

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

How stupid do you think I am?

Re: Locked to Sharon

[leobenconoy.livejournal.com]

I think you're a lot of things, but stupid isn't one of them. Right now, though, I'd have to say that paranoid leads the pack.

Locked to Leoben

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

After everything that's happened, I think I have every right to be paranoid.

Out of morbid curiosity, what exactly do you think I am?

Re: Locked to Sharon

[leobenconoy.livejournal.com]

You're proof of what could be.

Proof that we're not just a bunch of pre-programmed responses and imitated emotions, that we're capable of feeling love, being in love and giving it in return. Proof that the war doesn't have to go on forever because coexistence is possible.

Locked to Leoben

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

Three called me a traitor to our race. I fell in love with Helo, with a human, and I disobeyed orders because of that. Yes, we can feel love and we are more than what humans say that we are, but... God, if you really think that I'm different, that I'm "proof", then why have I been called a traitor?

Re: Locked to Sharon

[leobenconoy.livejournal.com]

Three? She's just one model. One that I'm not even sure has the right to pass judgment on anyone as of late. If we can boldly expect to be forgiven by God for our sins, it seems hypocritical not to forgive those who've sinned against us.

Who said being the archetype was going to be easy? Maybe it isn't a role you chose and it chose you instead, but the point is it's a role you have, like it or not and I don't think your hardships are in vain.

Locked to Leoben

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

So you're forgiving me for disobeying orders, or forgiving me for falling in love with a human? Who, exactly, is doing the forgiving? Just you? Like you said, you're just one model.

My hardships are not part of God's plan.

Re: Locked to Sharon

[leobenconoy.livejournal.com]

I am only one, I know that, doesn't mean I'm the only one willing to listen to reason. I just happen to be the one you're talking to at the moment, so all I can do is speak for myself.

They're for nothing, then? Kind of a dismal outlook on things, don't you think?

Locked to Leoben

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

So, what? Are you saying there are other models willing to listen, or just other copies of you?

Maybe. Probably. It's the only way I can reason that God would allow something like this to happen.

Re: Locked to Sharon

[leobenconoy.livejournal.com]

Other models, yes. I'm sure of it.

Hmm. Maybe your reasoning skills need some altering.

Locked to Leoben

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

I'll listen to them if they decide to actually speak to me first.

I'm not going to be altered in any way. I'm fine, as imperfect as I might be right now.

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

President Roslin... did what?

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

President Roslin, according to your father, stole my daughter when she was born. She gave Hera to another woman who raised her in the school that was built on New Caprica. I only found out about this because Boomer was on board Galactica and mentioned it to me. I didn't believe her, Major, but I told your father just to be sure.

He confronted the President who told him the truth. She lied to him, as well.

She lied to us all. And when we went back to New Caprica to save our people, Hera was found by the Cylons and they have her. They frakking have her.

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

Son of a bitch. It's... it's really hard to imagine that the president could do something like that. I'm sorry.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

Yeah, well... she did. Guess she's not the same upstanding person we all believed in.

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

Not a lot of people are, these days. Especially, it seems, the ones who came back from New Caprica.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

What do you mean?

[Locked]
Are you implying anyone I know?

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

The people who had to stay, the Resistance and the others-- they came back to the Fleet angrier. Harder. Colder. Acting as if those months we spent planning their rescue we were sitting on our collective asses.

[Locked]
Kara. Roslin. Tigh. Hell, even Chief.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

That's true, sadly. I heard a few rumors of things going around, but nothing was said to me personally. Then again, they could have been avoiding me because I look like the Eights on New Caprica.

We lost a Battlestar saving them. There were losses on our side, too. I willingly went down to the planet to help out, and...

[Locked]
Kara's... she's trying to get back to herself. President Roslin, yes. Sam told me a little of Colonel Tigh.

Chief? He won't talk to me, but... God it feels like everything we knew and trusted is gone now.

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

It was hard, we all get that, you know? Conditions were hell, and the Cylons weren't exactly benevolent dictators. But frak, they volunteered to be down there in the first place, right?

[Locked]
This is priveleged information, but... they held secret courts. They used them as excuses to execute collaborators.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

Well, it's not like I personally had a choice whether I could go down there or stay, you know. But if Helo had decided to stay, then I would have stayed.

That aside, it wasn't as if life was perfect for us, either. Especially after we Jumped away.

[Locked]
What? You've got to be kidding me. No, no, I know you're not. Frak, I just can't believe all of this has happened.

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

I don't know if I could have. The Fleet needed people, especially with so many going planetside. Turned out that I made the right decision.

[Locked]
Believe it. Maybe the Dance helped out a lot of that, but I don't know if it cured everything.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you did. How many of us were left? It was so quiet all the time, according to your father since I didn't get out much.

You put on a little weight, though. *grin* Sir.

[Locked]
I don't even want to know who was a part of it and who wasn't. I'd rather not know. And, no, it didn't cure much of anything, I think, except maybe a few personal issues.

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

A couple thousand. Barely enough to put skeleton crews on both battlestars and even less than that on the civvie ships.

And thanks in part to your husband, that's a thing of the past, thank Gods.

[Locked]
So say we all.

[admiral-adama.livejournal.com]

Sharon. There is no one here who understands your anger better than I do, but think a moment. You're saying that keeping your daughter hidden from you was worse than her outright murder.

Do you truly believe that?

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

I don't know. I realize you were right when you said that, unlike you, at least we still have our child alive. I suppose it was easier after all this time to think that she was dead, and try to move on. Try to rebuild my life with Helo, with the fleet...

It's easier, I think, to believe that than to believe she's alive out there, somewhere, and scared. Scared and alone and... Sir, why would President Roslin do this?

[admiral-adama.livejournal.com]

I can't speak to President Roslin's motivations. I do know that, with the responsibility for the lives of the rest of the human race on her shoulders, she almost never has the luxury of choosing between a clear good and a clear evil.

His eyes darken as he considers ... and remembers.

You know that, not long before Hera's death was faked, we had to deal with a hostage situation shortly after the fleet learned of your existence. We lost lives rather than hand you over to terrorists. It was only a matter of time before the fleet--and any Cylons planted in the fleet--learned about your daughter.

I suspect that President Roslin believed that secrecy was the best way to keep Hera out of the hands of both the Cylons and vengeful humans, without risking more lives.

I don't say that I agree with her decision, but I do believe she was trying to do the right thing. Or at least a right thing.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

Yes. Yes, I remember that.

She looks down, thinking of the anger that was there and the hurt, all because of her... only it wasn't her. It was Valerii, but it was another time where it didn't matter. She didn't matter.

I remember.

Fine, let's say you're right and that she was trying to "save" us. Why didn't she tell you? You of all people as the leader of the fleet have a right to know.

[admiral-adama.livejournal.com]

His eyebrows flick up slightly at her question.

She didn't tell me because she knew that the truth would force a choice on me. I would have had to either contravene the wishes of my Commander in Chief, or lie outright to one of my officers.

His lips twist into something that would be a wry smile, if it wasn't so tinged with frustration.

She chose ... to avoid putting me in that dilemma.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

She sighs and shakes her head slightly at him.

What about free will? Shouldn't you have been the one to make that decision instead of having it made for you? She can't claim that this is all part of something in the Scrolls of Pythia this time.

You're the one who said it before, Admiral. We're a family. And this is no way to treat the people that you care about.

[admiral-adama.livejournal.com]

You'd be absolutely right ... if a family was all that we are. It isn't.

A faint sigh, then his eyes grow stern

We're the guardians of the last remnants of the human race, Athena. The President and I must place that consideration before all else, in every decision we make. Yes, it's hard on those around us when we err on the side of caution, but if we ever even once err on the side of carelessness--

He stops abruptly, jaw tightening.

We saw on New Caprica what happens when we make that kind of error. As I told you all at The Dance, that can't happen again.

Because if it does ... it's over.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

I know, sir.

She stands a little taller, her chin up a notch as he speaks.

It won't happen again. It won't, I promise you. I think I can safely speak for everyone who was there that night and say that it won't happen again. We won't be careless, but we can't be thoughtless, either. If we think that we can control lives, lie, manipulate...

She pauses before she continues, a little quieter.

... Then we are no better than the Cylons.

[admiral-adama.livejournal.com]

As he nods in acknowledgement, his eyes gleam with something very like pride.

So what remains is finding the right opportunity ... to get her back.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

Her own eyes finally show a semblance of hope instead of anger.

Yes, sir.